2008 Year in Review

Well, it's that time of the year again. Time for us to look back and celebrate all the things that made existence tolerable this year and chastise and mock all the things that made us hope that us humans would go the way of the Dodo. So here we go, fasten your seat belts it's time for Get Distracted's 2008 Year in Review!

Best Album of the Year:
Born Ruffians - Red, Yellow, and Blue
This album came out at the start of the year, and although it suffered from being overplayed over the year (mostly due to the 55 Charles foosball crowd), it's still a great listen. The melodies are catchy, the lyrics insightful, and the instrumentation lets us know that three-piece bands can still rock out with the best of them. The perfect arrangement of the guitar, bass, drums and three part harmonies fill up your ears with a unique wall of sound. I saw these dudes perform at Lee's Palace in April and they did not disappoint. I was getting annoyed looks from everyone around me because I was singing along to all the songs but can you blame me? Also, what makes these guys even better is that they are Canadian.

Best Concert of the Year:
Radiohead, Molson Amphitheatre, Toronto, August 15, 2008
This may have been an obvious choice considering the amount of attention Radiohead's new album has been getting, but this was truly a great concert experience. Let me try to paint you a picture:
We arrive to the Ampitheatre and it's pouring rain. We're trying to catch the opening band, Grizzly Bear, but like any large-scale concert in Toronto, security is doing their best to ensure that no one enjoys themself. Despite this we make it in as Grizzly Bear is starting to play their new song, "Two Weeks." The rain is still pouring down, but as Grizzly Bear finishes up, the rain subsides and a huge rainbow forms over the Toronto waterfront, uncannily appropriate considering the title of Radiohead's new album, In Rainbows. The craziest part of all of this was that my brother informed us that the exact same thing had happened at the Radiohead concert he had attended in Montreal a week prior. Thom Yorke had explained to the crowd that "the rain has followed us everywhere on this tour." I know cloud seeding technology is still in its early stages of development, but if anyone was going to control the weather as part of their show's special effects, it would be Radiohead. It was an unbelievable moment.

The show itself was great. Playing a good mix of new and old tracks, they pleased everyone. Even songs they played from Hail to the Thief, an album I've never been that into, were played with such prowess that it prompted me to go back to and re-evaluate the whole album. This concert was amazing. I remember feeling so inspired that I decided I was going to quit my job and dedicate my life to making music (didn't happen).

Loudest Concert of the Year:
The Walkmen, Horseshoe Tavern, September 10, 2008
The Walkmen, who released their fourth album this year, have been receiving a lot of media attention this year. For the record, I was there when they were playing high-school auditoriums in Ottawa in 'o7. The Walkmen are one of my favourite bands and I was really excited to see them in a proper venue but Holy Jeez was this show loud! It was funny because lead singer Hamilton Leithauser even commented on the deafening noise they were creating. "This is great venue you guys have here... I remember the last time I saw a show here, it was about the same time I first started noticing the problems in my right ear. " As the show went on the band kept rocking out, and it sounded amazing, except you could almost feel your poor little ear drums being pummeled. The next day at work I was completely fucked, it sounded like church bells were ringing in my ears all day.

The moral of the story is don't go see shows at the Horseshoe, or if you do, be one of those nerds who wears earplugs, or alternatively, be one of those assholes that hang out at the bar and drink and talk loudly throughout the show. (I prefer the latter)

Best New Band:
Fucked Up
Okay, I know these guys aren't really new, but Pitchfork didn't tell me they were relevant until recently, so I didn't know about them. Speaking of which, I'd like to say a little something about the love-hate relationship I have with Pitchfork Media. I think Pitchfork Media is a great source for finding out what new music is out there. However, I think basing your opinion of a band or an album on the Pitchfork rating is a bit nutty. But that's just my "two cents". Back to Fucked Up:

4 Reasons to Listen to Fucked Up:
1. They're from Toronto
2. They're buddies with the likes of Dallas Green and Sebastien Granger
3. The band members have names like "Father Damian" and "10,000 Marbles"
4. They sound good

Best Comeback:
Guns 'n' Roses - Chinese Democracy
We waited 15 long years for this album to come out and we were not disappointed. The album gave us everything we could have expected: Amazing production quality, crazy guitar solos, theatric song structure, and signature W. Axl Rose vocals. I felt really happy for Axl that he finally got this album done, comparable to Brian Wilson's Smile achievement. Artistic merit is one thing in the music industry, I think artistic vision is just as important.


Best Blog:
BlogTO

Although it seems the Toronto blog scene is getting a bit incestuous, BlogTO is always there to give you the info you need to know. Whether they're mocking the TTC, touting some new restaurant that will invariably go out of business in the next three months, or posting some artsy pics of the Don Valley parkway at dawn, BlogTO will help you while away those nonchargeable hours at work.


Best TV Show:
Kenny vs. Spenny
Wow, this show is good. Despite rumours of the show being canceled, I was pleasantly surprised in September when I found that there was a whole new season of Kenny vs. Spenny awaiting me. They have really been taking things to a new level this season, with such episode concepts as "Who Can Bone More Women" and "Who Can Hold a Dump in their Pants Longest." Amazing.


Best New TV Show:
Testees

This show, the brainchild of Kenny vs. Spenny's Kenny Hotz, follows the lives of two twenty-somethings living in Toronto who make their living as human test subjects. Each week, Ron and Peter test a new product and suffer through a variety of side-effects with hilarious results. If you're anything like me (i.e. an idiot), this show will crack you up.


Stupidest New Social Networking Thingy:
Twitter
Now I'm sure I will change my tune once I have signed up for Twitter and I have quadrupled the amount of incoming and outgoing text messages, however, while I am still naive to its addictive qualities I will publicly denounce it. WE DON'T NEED MORE WAYS TO WASTE TIME ON OUR CELL-PHONES AND THE INTERNET. Yours truly, Me.


Best Radio Station:
CBC
Call me an old fogy, but I think the CBC is great. Think of it, instead of listening to the "Friday Morning Fart Show" on the Dean Blundel show, you could be listening to the news and learning about whats going on around you. Think about it.


Most Popular Topic of Conversation:
The Financial Crisis

Despite the fact that most people are uninformed on the subject, everyone loves talking about the financial crisis and/or recession. As one of my friends pointed out, discussing the financial crisis is right up there with discussing the weather. Most people's thoughts on the current financial climate are about as valid and relevant as your neighbour's thoughts on the chance of precipitation later in the day. "Looks like it might snow again, eh?"


Best New Architecture in Toronto:
Art Gallery of Ontario

If you have not yet visited the AGO, I highly recommend it . Unlike it's retarded cousin, the ROM, the new AGO was actually purpose-built. Gehry has skillfully reconfigured the building to give one a sense of entrance as you walk into the main atrium. The new Galleria Italia is an amazing space that awes you every time you walk into it. The Douglas Fir beams that support the immense glass structure fit in perfectly with the context of the Group of Seven art on the second floor that focuses on the natural environment. Gehry did his homework on this one. Also, the view of the back of the building from the Grange Park is very cool. Check it out.


Best New Author:
Jared Greenspan

If you haven't read Jared Greenspan's new book "These Words Don't Rhyme" then you are in for a treat. This collection of short stories is the first book from a hilarious new author.


Best/Stupidest YouTube Clip of the Year:
Balloon Fail

This guy ordered a weather balloon from South America in order to attempt to - wait for it - climb inside.

check it out

Best lines:

• "This is why I need a spotter!"

• "I hate this!"

I know this list is getting less and less relevant so I'll leave you with this.


Best Email Thread of the Year:
December 3, 2008

Email threads are a great way to organize social events, communicate with a large group of friends, and most importantly kill time at work. Here is an email thread from earlier this month between me and my "friend" Jared, to which ten other people were unfortunately subjected to.

Tristan:

Hey Guys,
It's Duncan's birthday on Friday; we're heading to the Bier Markt to celebrate. I know he would be thrilled to see you guys there. Hope everyone's having a good hump day.
T-bone

Jared:

I hate you, Tristan.
Hate.

That is all I have to say about anything.

Oh, and sure, I’ll come.

Tristan:

Jared, you only hate me because you hate yourself. I don't blame you, I'd definitely hate myself if I woke up every morning and saw your face in the mirror. I'd rather wake up as a giant cockroach.

Oh, and I'm really glad you're coming to the party. Duncan will be really glad to see you.

Jared:

Tristan, you motherfucking son of a bitch. To even continue conversing with a mongoloid fuck like yourself is an exercise in the greatest futility. You are a vacuum of good, and I’d rather get a hand job from Edward Scissorhands than spend time with you.

But I’m looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Cheers!

Tristan:

Jared,

Your very existence is proof that the human species is on the decline. We can only hope that you never pro-create. The world does not need another you, or anything like you. It is a tragedy that your mother did not go through with the abortion; I'm sure it is one of her great regrets in life.

You bring nothing to the world. The only thing you have ever created is pain and suffering for those unfortunate enough to have known you. You are the worst. You are the worst person I have ever met. Please, for the love of God and the good of humanity, take your own life.

Best regards,

Tristan

Jared:

My Dear Friend Tristan,

When the day of reckoning finally comes, and all humanity burns in the Lake of Fire for its sins against God and Man, I will be the only person smiling; for I will finally be rid of living in a world in which Tristan Whitehead not only lives nears me, but lives period. You are poison to our species, a plague on the world and the sooner we can get over with this charade the better.

When people ask me, “Jared, why are you so bitter,” I respond, “Because murder is against the law and Tristan Whitehead is alive.” It is only thanks to my lifelong belief in Law and Order (both the television show and the concept) that I have not yet used a can opener to extract your brains from your skull, that I haven’t yet taken a chainsaw and carved off your body parts one at a time until I went bowling with your head.

In summation, you are a human atrocity.

Let’s do wings soon.

Jared.

Tristan:

Dearest Jared,
Let me first say how disgusted I was by your most recent correspondence. Not by it's content, rather, by the thought that you continue to exist. It was my hope that upon reading my last note you would do us all a favour and kill yourself. It seems, however, that you are as stupid as you are annoying and you cannot take a hint. Although, I could try to convince you to commit suicide all day, I feel like I am wasting my time. I therefore propose a fight to the death next Tuesday after wings. The rules are simple: There are no rules. The fight lasts until one of us is dead. If I kill you, everyone will be happier. If you kill me, everyone else suffers but at least I will no longer have to live in a world where someone like you isn't drowned at birth. So either way I win. Does St. Louis work for you? I'm thinking the Davisville one.
Let me know,
Tristan

Jared:

Tristan,
The elimination of you as an individual in this human endeavor is something that we should all be looking forward to, that we can all cherish as a notion. Therefore, I accept your challenge, if I have to consider it as being one. For this will be a man versus a Tristan, a human being versus a slug, a regular joe against a fucking douche nozzle.
I will destroy everything about you until you are a quivering pile of post-human.

Wings it is!

Jared.

That's all for this year, have a happy holiday!