Poutine = Crack

I have come to realize a few disturbing parallels between my favourite french-canadian snack poutine and the popular CNS stimulant crack/cocaine. I thought I would share them with you:

Psychological Dependance

Poutine: This french-canadian treat is comprised of a unique combination of french fries, cheese curds and gravy. It is DELICIOUS, and once a person is introduced to the dish (let's call these people "First-time users") they immediately associate poutine with happiness. This association usually leads to a second purchase of the dish.
Note: First and second time users tend to eat their first poutine at the end of a long night of drinking, which is sometimes used as an excuse to explain the behaviour. e.g. "Oh, I only get poutine when I'm drunk" or "I can't believe I got poutine last night. . .I was so hammered!" and so on.

Cocaine: This popular CNS stimulant causes a reuptake of dopamine in the synaptic cleft, thereby creating a euphoric effect in users. This sense of well-being and happiness encourages repeated use.

Physiological Effects

Cocaine: This drug is a powerful appetite suppresant. Heavy users binging on the drug can go long periods without food. When the effects of the drug wear off, users experience a "crash," which consists of intense fatigue and hunger. This period is followed by a period of depression. Many users will use the drug to combat this depression, which can lead to serious dependence.

Poutine: Conversely, poutine also acts as an appetite surpressant. Once a user has ingested a regular serving, they are unable to eat a thing until the poutine is processed by the body . The mere thought of food may cause the user to groan and make ridiculous claims like, "I'm never eating again. . ." This is usually followed by fatigue, and a quick nap is generally advised. After this stage, the user usually feels guilty and depressed that they have once again given in to their cravings, and he or she will attempt to offset the poutine with an apple or a light salad.
Note: Heavy users (i.e. Quebeckers) will often counteract these feelings with another steaming bowl of 'tiner. These people are also known as "My Heroes."

Health Risks

Cocaine: acute and chronic use of the drug can lead to a variety of health risks. Heart failure, respiratory problems, and increased blood pressure are common among heavy users.

Poutine: Obviously, the combination of deep-fried potatoes, cheese curds, and gravy (beef fat + flour) isn't one of the healthiest meal choices. Heavy use can lead to increased blood pressure, coronary heart failure, and a condition I call "The Day Sweats."

Conclusion

As you can see, poutine and cocaine are very similar. They both cause psychological dependence, they have similar side-effects, and both pose serious threats to ones health.

Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not here to tell you to stop eating poutine. I had a Mini from S & G's just yesterday with my friend Huson. It was amazing. However, I do want you to be informed about the health choices you are making. Remember, you're in the driver's seat here. If you respect poutine, it will respect you. I've come up with a few tips to help you control your poutine use:

1. Never have poutine for breakfast. That's just not fair to your body. If you are in desperate need of a poutine kick in the morning, I suggest poutine-izing your hashbrowns. Many a waitress will look you in disgust when you order it, but it's worth it.

2. Never eat poutine twice a day. This can be hard sometimes, especially if you've had poutine for breakfast and then go out drinking that night and need a late night fix so that you can fall asleep. In this case, limit yourself to a small poutine before bed.

3. Cola + Poutine = Synergy. If you're having trouble getting that poutine down, there is nothing better than an ice cold can of cola drink. Though purists from Quebec will tell you that Pepsi is the true poutine beverage, I prefer Coke. It's really all about personal preference. Also, I find that the caffeine gives you that extra kick when your body is trying to shut down all major body functions after the influx of fat and grease.

and finally,

4. Don't Lie to Yourself. Being drunk is no excuse to eat poutine guilt-free. You bought a poutine because it's delicious, not because you were drunk. Sure its unhealthy, but you know what? So is crack, but that doesn't mean it's not fun. Embrace poutine! Embrace the lifestyle! Just remember to get lots of exercise and have regular check-ups with your doctor. Remember, poutine's not a right. . . It's a privilege.

Until next time