We all have become very familiar with the online social network Facebook. We all remember when it first came out and the first people who signed up described it as 'creepy' and 'addictive.' So we all tried to 'hold off' and didn't sign up right away because we thought we were above it. But we all eventually caved, at one time or another, and signed up and got hooked. I remember when I signed up for facebook. . . I got blackout drunk one night last May and when I checked my email the next morning there was a message in my inbox saying "Your facebook confirmation munber is. . ." It was like a drunken hookup that shouldn't have happened and then in the morning realizing what went down. . .But no regrets. . . One way or another we all joined. . .and here we are today: Connected.
We check our emails and are happy to see that someone has written on our wall or tagged a photo of us, or someone has sent us a message or requested us as a friend. But why does it make us so happy? I think it it makes us feel popular. The problem is, it's not your conventional popular, like if all the kids wanted to sit with you at lunch, or you got invited to all the best birthday parties. It's being popular without ever actually having to deal with people. Or being friends with someone without ever having to talk to them. Instead of talking on the phone we write on our friends' walls. Instead of going out for coffee with someone we send them a message. Facebook has made it possible to "be friends" with someone without ever having to actually hang out with them.
I'm not saying facebook is inherently evil or anything. There are alot of things I think are great about facebook. Being able to share pictures, promoting an event, or getting in touch with old friends are all great aspects of the software. It's always funny when you get a friend request from someone you haven't seen in a decade or from someone you're pretty sure you've never met. But, most of the time, you just hit that Confirm button and stack your friend count. You can always use more friends, right? Of course it's always disheartening when you see the number of friends in a certain network get smaller. . ."Hey, yesterday I had 102 friends at Queen's and now I only have a 101!. . . .Oh. . ." Deleting a friend is something I don't think I will ever do. What purpose does that serve? What, you can't stand seeing their little thumbnail picture when you're searching through your friend list? Or is it that you don't want them to be able to see your cool new profile where you listed all your favourite Tv shows and movies? Why? Who the fuck cares?
I'm not bitter about what facebook has done to us. Obviously we are happy to communicate this way. If we really had a problem with it we would do something about it. Some of us already have. Last week I noticed a new group that was called FaceCult, which is essentially a group of people that have had enough of facebook and are organizing a mass "e-suicide" some time in september. Don't get freaked out, 'e-suicide' just means they are going to delete their facebook account. That'll show 'em! I suppose it's a pretty good idea, but it's not like it's going to change anything. People are still going to love sitting at their computers poring over profiles and reading people's walls and looking at pictures like our friends are a bunch of celebrities. And when you really think about it, facebook does make us all celebrities. I mean think of the ever-popular facebook "NewsFeed." I mean, what the fuck is that? Some idiot is now friends with this jerk-off. So-and-so joined the group "I'm a vapid loser and want everyone to know about it" THIS IS NOT NEWS!!! But presented in this way on NewsFeed it becomes news. It's like reading People magazine or something. Nothing what celebrities do really matters but it seems important because we have a connection with these people, and it's the same with Facebook.
Fuck I hate it when people say "It's a small world." Oh wow, you went to some camp for spoiled kids and then went to a university for spoiled teenagers and now you know so-and-so who lives in North Toronto? Wooooooow! That's crazy! What a small world, eh? No, its not a small world, you're just a fucking idiot who doesn't realize what a small population of people you actually interact with. But I digress.
So Facebook is not evil. Humans are. It's not the software's fault that you've conceded to live a trite, meaningless existence culminated by your eventual death (be it facebook death or actual). It's your fault. So for God's sake do something with your life! Read a book! Join a book club! Take your beagle for a walk! Go to night school! Go on a road trip!
Just remember, whatever you do, always take lots of pictures so you can make a facebook album when you get back so everyone can see how much fun you're having and who you hang out with.
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